The Biggest Problem in Our Marriage

First of all let me say ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!

Second, blogging is like getting a tattoo, you can't just stop at one! You always want another!

Ok, now that I got that out of my system: This is my husband, Josh, and his naturally huge and fluffy Fro (we are looking in to permits for it to have it's own zip code).

Well, I put his picture up because this post is all about him and his condition that is ruining my life and marriage.
My husband (and therefore my family) suffers from a horrible condition. It can ruin lives, crumble marriages, and destroy any object it comes in contact with. This devistating ailment is something I have learned to live with. Until 2006 this condition did not have a name. It's Wandering Ass Syndrome, or WAS for short. WAS is no laughing matter. Anything that gets within a foot of Josh's butt gets destroyed by being knocked about or flung to the ground by his tiny posterior. You see Josh is very skinny (but strangely strong, just like his dad), and I mean like Jim Morrison skinny. With a husband that skinny you can only ask, "How can a hiney that tiny cause so much trouble?" I only wish I could tell you.

It never fails. Josh walks by a table and, CRASH, a full glass of tea hits the ground. Josh walks by a huge frame on our wall and, BAM, it tumbles down the stairs and breaks into several pieces. Josh is standing next to the tv tray that I have all the beads that I use to make jewelry sittin on and, BOOM, I spend the next 4 hours combing seed beads out of our carpet. I have watched a WAS moment happen before my very eyes many times, and there is no warning when WAS will strike. It's not like he falls into something or trips and knocks it. He has wonderful balance. I've rarely seen this man fall and I've known him since we were 17!

How can you tell if your loved one is suffering from Wandering Ass Syndrom? Side effects of this condition are broken plates, cups and bowls (well, generally anything glass), ripped posters, over turned tv trays, carpet stains, scuffs on hardwood floors, dents in any metal, chairs inexplicibly moved mere inches, and, occasionally someone who is WAS inflicted will accidently knock over their loved ones (particularally toddlers, as they are booty high). As of now there is no cure for WAS. Based on private studies, WAS may be hereditary.

I'm worried about my sons. Ray has amazing balance too but he's showing early signs of WAS. Bruce may show them too when he learns to walk. I guess when we build a house, we'll need padded rooms… so their WAS's won't break anything and I'll have nice soft walls for when I'm driven insane by the Wandering Asses in my life.

Mad Love!

- Whether you love me or hate me, you know who I am.


Holly said...

Stopping by from SITS! You are hilarious! We don't have WAS here, we are all just klutzes!


scrappysue said...

hiney trouble - that's funny. stopping by from sits!

Valerie said...

lol That was funny!

M said...

Thats awesome! I hope its not heriditary. Im a born klutz myself.

Shore Debris said...

Your post is great! I love your sense of humor. Stopping by from SITS.

Paula said...

So funny! My boyfriend ... he has a bad habit of leaving water glasses, plates, lots of breakable stuff on the very edge of the coffee table or counter or desk. I'm constantly casually moving things a few inches in from the edge. A combo of hiney trouble and living on the edge, well, it could be a disaster!

Thanks for stopping by my blog :)

Everyday Mom Ideas said...

Oh my goodness. I couldn’t stop laughing at this post. You are just too cleaver. At first I was like "Wandering Ass Syndrome?" I thought your husband was going to be the "Ass" and that he had a problem with wandering around or something.

Marie said...

Great post! That was hilarious. It was nice to meet you today.

jennifer said...

What a hoot! I suffer from the same affliction however I wish my Wandering self were SKINNY.


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